fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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