Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
