Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
