i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
