Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
