dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
