____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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