Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
