Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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