so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
