Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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