how hairy? two words: wookie tits
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
