Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
