YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
