apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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