My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
