yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
