I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, beer. Big fan.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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