Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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