OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
