my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
