The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Too much gin, very little bucket
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
