I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
