Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
