Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
