I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
