nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
