she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
