i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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