well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
