yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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