how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we're making bets on your personal life
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
