The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize