Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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