After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
