She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we're making bets on your personal life
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
