she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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