I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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