All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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