i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
