His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
