I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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