New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
