walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
