After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
