I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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