my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
