He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize