I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Quick, to the slutcave!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
