just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
