Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize