All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
