Whod you bang
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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