Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
