Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
barbara walters just said penis...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
