3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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