fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
