Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
