I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
