I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just cropdusted the office
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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