dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dick very happy bro
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
