Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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