Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
