I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
sex in a hospital.. check
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
