honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This is classic penis vs brain.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
