I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
