Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
where am i from again
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
