there's paper in my vomit.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
