Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
two words: eviction party
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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