I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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