I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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