its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My bed smells like the plague
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
