I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
