I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
