I could have mohawked her pubes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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