Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
