Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
