so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
