Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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